Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
