What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
