dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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