i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
