the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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