Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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