I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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