Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
