Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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