I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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