when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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