Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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