I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
