People in love make me want to vomit
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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