he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
