he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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