Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
