Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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