i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
