God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
