I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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