I will die if light touches me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
