I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
