We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
