is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
