I need help removing her.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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