I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
