now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
