it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
