you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
