I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
