i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
