once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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