Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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