He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
