I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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