I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
