I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
