I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
FUCK WHALES
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
