I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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