every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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