this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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