We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
