I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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