I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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