the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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