Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
