This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
