You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
