I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
now i know why i became what i already was.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
