Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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