I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
