that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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