Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
