God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
is that a dick in a sweater?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
