I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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