Whod you bang
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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