FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You made out with two different species that night
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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