it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
