At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
