Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
