And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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