please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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