I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
