hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
