Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
