No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
