We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
