I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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