Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
