but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
