I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
