I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
