4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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