Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Is her dick bigger than yours?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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