This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
