and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
