im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
