Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
