I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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