My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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