dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
