I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
