I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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