Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
we're so committed to being not committed
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
