We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
