I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
