We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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