It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm too high and old for this...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
