I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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