So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
