there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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