First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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