he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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