if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I love you. Go after that dick
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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