he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
