you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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