oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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