Pappa wants mamma naked
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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