That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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