Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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