The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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