if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
