Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize