I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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