That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
