I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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