they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize